First of all, my apologies for being a tad slow in bringing this latest post to life! However, I have a good reason for this, which I will now endeavor to explain. Here at Casa Bernabe there is a special celebration for El Dia de Gracias, aka Thanksgiving. Now this is not your typical American Thanksgiving by any stretch of the imagination. First of all, Guatemalans don't generally celebrate Thanksgiving for obvious reasons, but Casa Bernabe has adapted the holiday a tad. Here they use it as an opportunity to put on a big show as a thank-you to Jesus and all of the donors and sponsors who make this ministry possible. So what is my part in all this you might ask? Well, I have stepped into the role of co-choreographer of a dance including some of the older girls here, to the song "With Everything"/ "Con Todo" by Hillsong. Here are the links to both the Spanish and English versions - we are obviously using the Spanish version :)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NhIPaW9v-3g &
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rSCE8uLuTJY. It's a beautiful song, and it's an incredible blessing to share my love of dance with these girls, none of whom have ever had the opportunity for any dance training. The message of the song has special meaning for me right now too because it talks about how darkness trembles in the light of God and how mighty and awesome His power is. I have felt that power in my life in a tangible way this last month (yes I have now been here for a month!) in inexplicable ways, and often I don't realize it until afterwards. He has been teaching me so much. I feel that God has laid it on my heart to share a rather difficult example of this. Last week there was one day where I was taking care of all the kids by myself, and while the majority of the day went smoothly, the afternoon was pretty rough. The kids are all supposed to nap after lunchtime, but a few of them kept getting all the others worked up, which amounted to 16 angry tired children and no down time for me. After this lovely episode, one of my kids threw a huge fit when I told him I had to discipline him for behaving so badly. I had to restrain him because he was screaming and hitting me, and it was all I could do not to burst into tears. Basically, I looked him straight in the eye and told him I loved him but that actions have consequences and that he could either accept this fact and calm down or continue freaking out and make things worse. Well he chose option 1 after about 15 more minutes of screaming, but while all this was going on and I thought my heart would break I was so upset, I cried out to God "Is this what I make you feel like when I disobey?"
I wrote the following in my prayer journal the next day:
"When John* (name changed because of privacy laws here) threw that temper tantrum yesterday and I had to physically restrain him from hitting me I thought my heart would break tand that I would burst out crying in front of him. Is that what it feels like when we sin against you Lord? When I rebel and refuse to do what You know is best for me? It's probably worse, much worse, because Your discipline is perfect and You love us so much. Forgive me Father. You watched Your only Son die for an ungrateful selfish people that You might redeem us unto Yourself."
I don't think I've ever had such a clear understanding of how our sin breaks God's heart. It was an intensely humbling experience, and I'm still working through my heart/ thought process about the whole thing.
Well, I sincerely hope that this post was comprehensible and that it gives you the reader a clearer glimpse of how God is working on my heart here. His mercies are new every morning! November may prove a little trickier for me to be posting quite as often, as the house parents I work with will be on vacation and it will be myself and my Guatemalan friend Nora taking care of the house together full-time! As always, I covet your prayers, welcome your thoughts and greatly appreciate your encouragement. To God be the glory.
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