The Reality of God's Love

So this is hard. Really really hard. Not because what I'm doing is super super physically taxing, but because it is very emotionally and spiritually difficult. God is actively stripping me of everything that I put my trust in apart from Him. My comfort zone is officially gone. My incredible friends are not here to talk to, I have no team of parents to help me analyze important decisions, I can't control what I have to eat, I don't get solid hugs, and I cried to a perfect stranger the other day. Which was a tad embarrassing to say the least. And yet in the midst of this when I was crying out to God today for the 100th time, "what on earth am I doing here? I want to quit", He reminded me that the most of the kids here have never had these things to miss. I am spoiled. Unbelievably spoiled. I have felt more love in my twenty-one (almost twenty-two) years than most people feel in a lifetime. And I made a commitment to be here, whatever shape that may take. God is actively using this experience to shape me into the person He wants me to be. I may not always like the process, but is it necessary? Absolutely. I'm currently doing a Beth Moore study in my quiet time called "Breaking Free" - it's about having true freedom in Christ and looks at the pitfalls that many Christians fall into that prevent us from truly experiencing God's best for us. In the chapter I was reading today, the author was examining the lives of the kings of Israel after David in order to demonstrate pitfalls such as pride, idolatry and apathy. Needless to say, it was convicting. She also pointed out that we often shy away from asking God to truly humble us because we are afraid of what this might actually entail. Or we do ask, are presented with something difficult, and then try to turn around and say "Hey God, this isn't what I signed on for!". I have honestly said this to the King of the Universe. Seriously?! The reality of God's love, as this blog post is entitled, is that He disciplines children. If you're like me, or like the kids I work with, you're not too big on getting disciplined. Does that change the fact that we need it? Umm, NO. And the reality of God's love is that He also comforts His children, and provides exactly what we need. Not necessarily what we want. But He gives us what we truly need. So I can say confidently, "Hallelujah, there is Someone calling the shots who is much much wiser than I am!"

My kids will be up from their nap soon, so I will leave you here for now, but I welcome your comments and covet your prayers. To God be the glory.